How to Talk to Your Child About Big Emotions

For little ones, big feelings can feel overwhelming. From joyful highs to tearful tantrums, young children experience a full range of emotions — often without the words or strategies to express them clearly.

That’s where we come in as grown-ups. Whether you're a parent, carer, or early years educator, helping children understand and manage their emotions is one of the most important life skills you can nurture.

At The Butterfly Patch, emotional development is just as important as learning letters and numbers. We believe that when children are emotionally supported, they feel safer, more confident, and more curious about the world around them.

Here are some gentle, practical ways to talk to your child about big emotions — and help them begin to build lifelong emotional awareness and resilience.

1. Name the Feeling

One of the simplest and most powerful things you can do is to name the emotion your child might be experiencing. Often, children under five don’t yet have the language to express how they’re feeling — but they can learn through you.

For example:"I can see you’re feeling sad because your tower fell down".

"You’re really excited because we’re going to the park!".

By giving emotions a name, you’re helping your child make sense of what’s happening inside. Over time, this builds their emotional vocabulary — turning confusion into clarity.

2. Acknowledge, Don’t Dismiss

It’s tempting to rush in with solutions when your child is upset — especially if you’re tired or in a hurry. But acknowledging your child’s emotions, rather than dismissing or downplaying them, is key to helping them feel heard and understood.

Try saying:"I can see this is really hard for you".

"It’s okay to feel angry when things don’t go your way".

Avoid phrases like:

• “Don’t be silly”.

• “There’s nothing to cry about”.

• “You’re fine”.

Even if the cause seems minor to us, it’s very real to them — and acknowledging that helps build trust and emotional security.

3. Stay Calm and Present

When your child is in the middle of experiencing big emotions, your calm presence can make all the difference. You don’t need to solve the problem straight away — just be there with empathy, patience, and open arms.

Young children need to borrow your calm until they can regulate on their own. This might mean sitting quietly with them, offering a cuddle, or simply saying:"I’m here when you’re ready".

Model the emotional regulation you want them to learn. Your steady tone, slow breathing, and kind words will help guide them through the storm.

4. Keep It Simple

Use age-appropriate language when talking about feelings. A three-year-old doesn’t need a deep explanation of frustration, but they can understand:"You’re upset because you wanted a turn and didn’t get one.""It’s hard to wait sometimes, isn’t it?".

Stick to one idea at a time and check your child’s understanding by asking simple questions or using visual cues, like a feelings chart or expressive toys.

5. Offer Strategies for Coping

Once the emotion has been acknowledged, offer your child some gentle tools to manage how they feel. These strategies won’t always work instantly (and that’s okay!), but over time, they help your child learn emotional regulation.

Try things like:

• Taking three deep belly breaths together,

• Giving a soft toy a big squeeze,

• Going to a quiet corner or sensory nook,

• Drawing a picture of how they feel,

• Listening to a calming song.

You can even create a “calm-down box” at home filled with sensory items, books, or comforting objects.

6. Praise Emotional Awareness

Celebrate those small steps! If your child manages to tell you how they feel, calms down without hitting, or uses a new coping strategy — let them know how proud you are.

"You used your words to say you were cross — that’s brilliant".

"You took deep breaths when you were upset — well done!".

This kind of positive reinforcement encourages children to keep practising these important emotional skills.

7. Talk About Feelings When Everyone’s Calm

Big conversations about emotions don’t always need to happen in the heat of the moment. In fact, they’re often most helpful during calm times — while reading a book, going for a walk, or playing together.

Books like The Colour Monster or Ruby’s Worry are great starting points.

You can also use play to explore different feelings:

"How do you think the teddy is feeling today?".

"What could we do to help dolly feel better?".

These gentle, playful moments help your child make emotional sense of their world without pressure.

Final Thoughts

Teaching your child about big emotions doesn’t happen in one day — it’s a slow and steady process that’s built on connection, patience, and love.

The more often you talk about feelings, model calm behaviour, and help your child feel safe expressing themselves, the stronger their emotional foundation will be.

At The Butterfly Patch, we believe that emotional wellbeing is the foundation for lifelong learning.

With your support at home, and our care in nursery, your little one will learn that all feelings are okay — and that they have the tools and the confidence to handle whatever comes their way!